My 3rd Dimension
Sunday, September 30, 2007
i can't believe...
1) I'm still single... > i'm reading the book. (yea, though I'm also wondering the same question)... i'm still reading it. it's not as "sexual" as i think it would be (though i'm only 1/5 way through, it maybe so the more i read? i don't know, i shall see then... *wink). it's basically a book written up like a ... who-he-was, who-he-is, his-story, his-experience... it's about Eric's story & life. The american english and joke is a bit 'deep' for me sometimes that i would catch no balls... :p but, still a not-bad to read... coz it costs me quite a bit.. so no matter what, out of kia-su-ness (don't want to lose) or whatever reason, i have to finish the book - and thereafter, maybe bid it off @ Ebay... :P
2) someone asked me whether i'm steady with someone, and said he wants to know me better.. and he wish i was there with him so he could show me around.. and... he is, he could be, 50yrs old+.. i don't know.. i never ask him.. but he does look as 'old' and mature as my dad.. ;p he told me, he was married 7 years ago, and now he is single... =.='' i can't believe i've attracted an "old man" - well, not that old*... but definitely, i never thought i would attract such a age... hahahah..* and well, i guess he is rich... he is an MD for a resort, mind you! and golf and yacht seems to be his past-time...
3) at times, i would think... perhaps i could be just naughty and hang around, fool around.. why not? i'm single. i'm eligible. i'm available. :p if, and only if, i'm not 'traditionally moralised'.
em... should i give him a itchy sms? :P
2) someone asked me whether i'm steady with someone, and said he wants to know me better.. and he wish i was there with him so he could show me around.. and... he is, he could be, 50yrs old+.. i don't know.. i never ask him.. but he does look as 'old' and mature as my dad.. ;p he told me, he was married 7 years ago, and now he is single... =.='' i can't believe i've attracted an "old man" - well, not that old*... but definitely, i never thought i would attract such a age... hahahah..* and well, i guess he is rich... he is an MD for a resort, mind you! and golf and yacht seems to be his past-time...
3) at times, i would think... perhaps i could be just naughty and hang around, fool around.. why not? i'm single. i'm eligible. i'm available. :p if, and only if, i'm not 'traditionally moralised'.
em... should i give him a itchy sms? :P
Friday, September 21, 2007
lust in the sea
maybe i shall not call it 'lust', it's just the nature awakening of that something in me.
was away for a week. been into the nature. into the sea. i never know i would love the sea so much. as a non professional swimmer, i never dare to dream of going scuba diving or snorkeling or even just swimming in the sea. i love swimming, but only in the pool. now, i love swimming in the sea, too.
it was, and it is still... a unforgettable experience. probably because of him. i do not know him. all i know is his name is Ben, he is a part time lifeguard at the beach. he is dark, strong, with the smell of man. attractive not because of his look, but... i don't know.. there is this x-factor in him. i was struggling hard to reach the corals and fishes, when he suddenly appeared next to me, and grab my hand and swim forward. within seconds, i saw fishes, i saw corals... all types of beautiful creatures swimming around us...
just the two of us. swimming into the deep blue sea. we could hear each other's heart beats. due to my unsteady swimming technique, i have to cling on to him so much. he wrapped me up so much. we hugged... but we didnt kissed.. we should have? it has been a while since i last hugged a man like that. so warm. so caringly. so gently.
when we finally parted by the beach, pinch of missing him is in the air. but of some reasons, mutually we didn't leave behind any notes to carry on further. though he did ask, i don't know why i hesitated, and smile away. maybe, i just know that, it's for lust, and not for future. maybe, i just know that it's a sparkle of the summer which would remain forever sweet in memories.
it has been a week. i still miss that nature driven thirst of love and care. it is magical. it is amazing. in the sea. the wildness. the excitement. the yearn. the zest. the eroticism.
would i see you again?
was away for a week. been into the nature. into the sea. i never know i would love the sea so much. as a non professional swimmer, i never dare to dream of going scuba diving or snorkeling or even just swimming in the sea. i love swimming, but only in the pool. now, i love swimming in the sea, too.
it was, and it is still... a unforgettable experience. probably because of him. i do not know him. all i know is his name is Ben, he is a part time lifeguard at the beach. he is dark, strong, with the smell of man. attractive not because of his look, but... i don't know.. there is this x-factor in him. i was struggling hard to reach the corals and fishes, when he suddenly appeared next to me, and grab my hand and swim forward. within seconds, i saw fishes, i saw corals... all types of beautiful creatures swimming around us...
just the two of us. swimming into the deep blue sea. we could hear each other's heart beats. due to my unsteady swimming technique, i have to cling on to him so much. he wrapped me up so much. we hugged... but we didnt kissed.. we should have? it has been a while since i last hugged a man like that. so warm. so caringly. so gently.
when we finally parted by the beach, pinch of missing him is in the air. but of some reasons, mutually we didn't leave behind any notes to carry on further. though he did ask, i don't know why i hesitated, and smile away. maybe, i just know that, it's for lust, and not for future. maybe, i just know that it's a sparkle of the summer which would remain forever sweet in memories.
it has been a week. i still miss that nature driven thirst of love and care. it is magical. it is amazing. in the sea. the wildness. the excitement. the yearn. the zest. the eroticism.
would i see you again?
Friday, September 7, 2007
change
sometimes i wonder, i ponder.. why do i need a change? changes in work, changes in my social life, changes in my habits, changes in stepping out of my comfort zone...
and i think there is only one reason afterall - because i want to meet more people, so that eventually i would meet my Mr. Right somehow.
I think I'm getting a bit out-of-mind... everytime i see a 'new guy', be it a friend's friend, or a new friend, or whoever..~! i would start wondering - is he the one? is he the possible one?
eeeek.. i think this is so sick! i need a change, for this!
isn't this making my life such a "pathetic", chasing after the "get-my-Mr.Right-and- to-get-married" thingy?
why can't i just live a life without marriage?
Well, i'm too scared to be left alone, i guess.
i need a lover. but, do i need a marriage?
my upbringing says, eventually it is - to go towards the marriage.
but, there is too much of the commitment to be bound in a marriage. family of both sides, financial, freedom, habits, preferences...etc. but, again, why not? if you really love that someone so much so so much, why are you 'scared' of 'commitment' and 'responsibilities' and even "compromises"? that should be the way love should be, isn't it?
well, guess there is another reason for marriage - for some religious 'geeks' - so that they could have legally blessed sex. because, bible says, there shall not be sex outside marriage. so you got to get married so that you could enjoy sex.
what's marriage then? must it be legally signed and endorsed by the legally legally? or is it just a mutual understanding and commitment that - Yes, i take you as my hubby, and you take me as your wifey.. that's all~ from today onwards, we shall be loyal and genuine to each other, not having any physical or mentally affairs with any other 3rd party? is it so? how difficult is it? is it difficult? but, isn't that the common basic idea even without marriage - what i mean is, isn't that the principle for a couple to be together? then what makes the difference to get married or no? just to 'tie down' each other?
well... i think for people who are in it for marriage, they just know the beauty and sweetness of being married. You would know, legally, you are become one. i don't know how to explain and express, but while writing all this... i just suddenly have a glimpse of it... and i think i got it...
i still think... marriage is a wonderful thing...
and i think there is only one reason afterall - because i want to meet more people, so that eventually i would meet my Mr. Right somehow.
I think I'm getting a bit out-of-mind... everytime i see a 'new guy', be it a friend's friend, or a new friend, or whoever..~! i would start wondering - is he the one? is he the possible one?
eeeek.. i think this is so sick! i need a change, for this!
isn't this making my life such a "pathetic", chasing after the "get-my-Mr.Right-and- to-get-married" thingy?
why can't i just live a life without marriage?
Well, i'm too scared to be left alone, i guess.
i need a lover. but, do i need a marriage?
my upbringing says, eventually it is - to go towards the marriage.
but, there is too much of the commitment to be bound in a marriage. family of both sides, financial, freedom, habits, preferences...etc. but, again, why not? if you really love that someone so much so so much, why are you 'scared' of 'commitment' and 'responsibilities' and even "compromises"? that should be the way love should be, isn't it?
well, guess there is another reason for marriage - for some religious 'geeks' - so that they could have legally blessed sex. because, bible says, there shall not be sex outside marriage. so you got to get married so that you could enjoy sex.
what's marriage then? must it be legally signed and endorsed by the legally legally? or is it just a mutual understanding and commitment that - Yes, i take you as my hubby, and you take me as your wifey.. that's all~ from today onwards, we shall be loyal and genuine to each other, not having any physical or mentally affairs with any other 3rd party? is it so? how difficult is it? is it difficult? but, isn't that the common basic idea even without marriage - what i mean is, isn't that the principle for a couple to be together? then what makes the difference to get married or no? just to 'tie down' each other?
well... i think for people who are in it for marriage, they just know the beauty and sweetness of being married. You would know, legally, you are become one. i don't know how to explain and express, but while writing all this... i just suddenly have a glimpse of it... and i think i got it...
i still think... marriage is a wonderful thing...
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
kisses
i love kisses...
i miss kisses...
photo courtesy from www.deviantart.com and www.flickr.com
mixture of feelings
sometimes... i tend to, and i allow myself, to indulge in the opaque world of the virtually... maybe it is the hidden me, it is the forbidden me... due to my background, my upbringing, and the environment.. there are a lot of limitation and restriction.. the do's and the don'ts... in the vague virtual reality, on the other hand, enables me, giving me the chance, to be another self of me... this is how absurd i could be...
i am lonely, i am weak... i need a companion.. i need a lover.. i need to love and be loved.. in reality, i have certain requirement and constraints... however in the obscure cyberspace, i have all the freedom to cross over the lines, to taste the "taboo" - not saying that i would go for the extreme of having affairs with the married man, or even become a lesbian.. that's still not acceptable to me personally... however, i wouldn't mind to even get lost in the cyberly with someone i wouldn't think of being with in reality... someone younger than me, someone boyish to me, someone with a totally different lifestyle, someone in a different culture, religion, belief, behavior, value, personality, character..etc.
it could be the attention-seeking process... while i enjoy sharing every bits of my daily life, or my past.. and vice-versa.. and sooner or later.. some kind of chemistry unknowingly creep in... when i start to subconsciously thinking of him... and how to juggle this feeling well... for some people, they just let it develop naturally.. and that's how new era of socializing habits evolve in the cyberly.. of course, when I clearly know it is just an 'unacceptable affair', or a relation I would not want to progress in the reality, then I have to control the overflowing feelings from the further explosive results.. if I continue to let it go haywired, then i have to be responsible for anything which is going to happen...
how antinomy this is... i know i wouldn't want this to happen in the reality, i know there is no future, i know we don't suit into each other's reality life... yet, i still let the feeling to enroot deeper and deeper.. why? to fill up the empty lonely part? to zest the affectionate? or is it i'm just tyring to let go the overloaded love and care in me that i have and i want to give out... or what?
sometimes, i can't even understand myself... i'm seeing it coming... but, i just couldn't stop myself.. again...
i miss him... every time he text me, i would feel so in-the-smile... i want to tell him everything.. i want to know everything about him... i want to own him... i want me to be his someone special.. i want to be with him...
but.. i know.. i can't.... because it won't be everlasting, it won't work out, it just doesn't mean to be that way it should be...
i am lonely, i am weak... i need a companion.. i need a lover.. i need to love and be loved.. in reality, i have certain requirement and constraints... however in the obscure cyberspace, i have all the freedom to cross over the lines, to taste the "taboo" - not saying that i would go for the extreme of having affairs with the married man, or even become a lesbian.. that's still not acceptable to me personally... however, i wouldn't mind to even get lost in the cyberly with someone i wouldn't think of being with in reality... someone younger than me, someone boyish to me, someone with a totally different lifestyle, someone in a different culture, religion, belief, behavior, value, personality, character..etc.
it could be the attention-seeking process... while i enjoy sharing every bits of my daily life, or my past.. and vice-versa.. and sooner or later.. some kind of chemistry unknowingly creep in... when i start to subconsciously thinking of him... and how to juggle this feeling well... for some people, they just let it develop naturally.. and that's how new era of socializing habits evolve in the cyberly.. of course, when I clearly know it is just an 'unacceptable affair', or a relation I would not want to progress in the reality, then I have to control the overflowing feelings from the further explosive results.. if I continue to let it go haywired, then i have to be responsible for anything which is going to happen...
how antinomy this is... i know i wouldn't want this to happen in the reality, i know there is no future, i know we don't suit into each other's reality life... yet, i still let the feeling to enroot deeper and deeper.. why? to fill up the empty lonely part? to zest the affectionate? or is it i'm just tyring to let go the overloaded love and care in me that i have and i want to give out... or what?
sometimes, i can't even understand myself... i'm seeing it coming... but, i just couldn't stop myself.. again...
i miss him... every time he text me, i would feel so in-the-smile... i want to tell him everything.. i want to know everything about him... i want to own him... i want me to be his someone special.. i want to be with him...
but.. i know.. i can't.... because it won't be everlasting, it won't work out, it just doesn't mean to be that way it should be...
Monday, September 3, 2007
Sexy
According to http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sexy
Sexy - Arousing or tending to arouse sexual desire or interest.
what's your definition of "sexy"? I don't like nude. I don't think nude is sexy. bikini is not sexy. i don't like either. too much of exposure, to me, is not sexy... is 'disgusting' sometimes, in a way..
to me... sexy is.. something like.. 若隐若现.. is a mysterious tension in between... you know you want for more, but you couldn't have it... that kind of urge and desire.. is certain degree of 'cover up', yet it will be so fantasy-driven...
it is also a kind of expression.. which will draw all your attention.. subconsciously.. unknowingly..
or... it could even be a kind of 力度的性感.. a macho man for instance...
Sexy - Arousing or tending to arouse sexual desire or interest.
| Chinese (Simplified): | 性感的,色情的 |
| French: | séduisant |
| German: | sexy |
| Greek: | σεξουαλικός, αισθησιακός |
| Indonesian: | menggiurkan |
| Italian: | sexy |
| Japanese: | 性的魅力のある |
| Korean: | 성적 매력이 있는 |
| Portuguese (Portugal): | sexy |
| Russian: | сексапильный, сексуальный |
| Spanish: | seductor |
| Turkish: | cinsî cazibesi olan, seksî |
what's your definition of "sexy"? I don't like nude. I don't think nude is sexy. bikini is not sexy. i don't like either. too much of exposure, to me, is not sexy... is 'disgusting' sometimes, in a way..
to me... sexy is.. something like.. 若隐若现.. is a mysterious tension in between... you know you want for more, but you couldn't have it... that kind of urge and desire.. is certain degree of 'cover up', yet it will be so fantasy-driven...
it is also a kind of expression.. which will draw all your attention.. subconsciously.. unknowingly..
or... it could even be a kind of 力度的性感.. a macho man for instance...
Sunday, September 2, 2007
I can't believe I'm still Single
i want to buy this book "I can't believe I'm still Single" - by Eric Schaeffer (how to pronounce? ske-fer ? sha-fer? share-fer? .. whatever..)
should be a very american hilarious a bit "R-Rated" book...? something like Tucker Max's "I hope they serve beer in hell" maybe...
Hope my friend could help me to get it in Singapore... then we shall have some great time reading under the shade by the beach next week...
Saturday, September 1, 2007
self-reflection
as someone who should be married/ attached with boyfren by now, yet still remain single.. sometimes i can't help, but have some very crazy ideas... fantasy... reaction... mixture of feelings..
i think i'm not that bad (with my out-look, or with my inner-self) afterall... but i don't understand why... ok, perhaps, because of some of my 'strange behavior'... that i am still single now... sometimes, i think it is to my disadvantage.. especially, i don't socialise much.. because i see it no point to frequent at pubs or bars... and i find it meaningless to join boring talk-only righteousness-less society gangs... see.. it's all my own fault, since i 'lock' myself up in my own territory.
ya.. perhaps, there are someone interested in me... but, if i'm not interested in him, i will straight away not giving him a 'chance' to even.. 'date me out'.. because i don't want to give him an false hope that we may even develop further down the road... am i too kind? or too stupid? with a too high requirement?
i need a soul mate.. he must be.. handsome.. good looking.. kissable look.. haha.. ideally, rich.. or at least financial independent... i hope i don't sound too realistic.. but come on.. this is a realistic world.. i don't really fantasy on 'love is enough'.. i don't ask for branded luxury living... but at least he must be independent, and not me having to 'feed' him... right? i like mature guys.. guys with mature mindset.. guys who are knowledgeable - political, economical, sports, anything... guys who are "deep", with solid mind-weight... in short, a soul-mate..
i met him... i get to know him more... we are friends... we talk a lot, revolving in certain area of life.. he is a good choice, a good catch.. but, it's hard for me to move forward... i'm too scared i would hurt the mutual feelings, the friendship... coz i know he would certainly step backward and retain distance if i show up too much "interest" in him, yet he just treat me as a friend... you know.. the kind of worry.. the kind of ambiguity...
i just can't stand the loneliness sometimes i guess.. i would get so.. weak... especially, when i see friends around me are all attached.. whenever we are out for gathering, everyone is companioned, except me.. the kind of feeling really sucks...
i need someone... physically and mentally... i don't want to be alone... to be left out....