My 3rd Dimension

as someone who should be married/ attached with boyfren by now, yet still remain single.. sometimes i can't help, but have some very crazy ideas... fantasy... reaction... mixture of feelings..

i think i'm not that bad (with my out-look, or with my inner-self) afterall... but i don't understand why... ok, perhaps, because of some of my 'strange behavior'... that i am still single now... sometimes, i think it is to my disadvantage.. especially, i don't socialise much.. because i see it no point to frequent at pubs or bars... and i find it meaningless to join boring talk-only righteousness-less society gangs... see.. it's all my own fault, since i 'lock' myself up in my own territory.

ya.. perhaps, there are someone interested in me... but, if i'm not interested in him, i will straight away not giving him a 'chance' to even.. 'date me out'.. because i don't want to give him an false hope that we may even develop further down the road... am i too kind? or too stupid? with a too high requirement?

i need a soul mate.. he must be.. handsome.. good looking.. kissable look.. haha.. ideally, rich.. or at least financial independent... i hope i don't sound too realistic.. but come on.. this is a realistic world.. i don't really fantasy on 'love is enough'.. i don't ask for branded luxury living... but at least he must be independent, and not me having to 'feed' him... right? i like mature guys.. guys with mature mindset.. guys who are knowledgeable - political, economical, sports, anything... guys who are "deep", with solid mind-weight... in short, a soul-mate..

i met him... i get to know him more... we are friends... we talk a lot, revolving in certain area of life.. he is a good choice, a good catch.. but, it's hard for me to move forward... i'm too scared i would hurt the mutual feelings, the friendship... coz i know he would certainly step backward and retain distance if i show up too much "interest" in him, yet he just treat me as a friend... you know.. the kind of worry.. the kind of ambiguity...

i just can't stand the loneliness sometimes i guess.. i would get so.. weak... especially, when i see friends around me are all attached.. whenever we are out for gathering, everyone is companioned, except me.. the kind of feeling really sucks...

i need someone... physically and mentally... i don't want to be alone... to be left out....